Innocent and Damned
by Kazo Sakamari
Summary: He was just Sirius. He was loud and rambunctious, a prankster and a rebel without a cause (or maybe he did have a cause Remus just couldn't see it). And he was loyal and loving, and dangerous and just so slytherin sometimes, but he was always Sirius.


So...here's another odd story that came to mind a while ago...I've finally put it up. So tell me what you think! Please!

Disclaimer: JKR owns Harry Potter.

Read and Review!

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"And then in 1749 Eldric the Elder was burnt at the stake by his followers…"

Professor Binns drowned on, it was double blocked History of Magic, not a single person in had heard a word Binns had said.

Remus made an effort to pick his head off the desk, but halfway through decided it was too much work. Instead he moved his pile of parchment around to make a better pillow. The full moon had been last night and while he had gotten fixed up early this morning by Madam Pomfrey, he still had a few cuts and bruises that she had left to heal naturally. Remus glanced sideways at James, whose head was resting on his book bag, a small trail of drool coming from his mouth. Soft snores came from his nose.

If only Remus had a camera, this would be perfect black mail material.

Remus turned his attention to Peter, who was sitting directly in front of him, his face buried in his arms, chest rising and falling gently. Peter had always been a good sleeper, looking like a little cherub. Remus snickered, until he started snoring that is.

It had been a long night for the Marauders and none of them had gotten much sleep, maybe an hour or two at the most. He supposed that it might be a good thing that they had double blocked History of Magic today, it let them catch up on sleep. Either way, it was a hell of a lot better than potions.

A piece of parchment tickled his nose and Remus lifted his head up finally. Glancing around the room Remus realized that nearly everyone in the class was out cold, not that Binns noticed.

Binns never noticed.

Catching sight of Sirius, who was sitting a row behind him, Remus smiled. His friend was tipped back precariously in his chair, eyes closed, his long dark hair falling gracefully over his sharp features, breathing soft and controlled, He almost looking like he was sleeping, but the incessant tapping of his fingers against his leg proved that wrong.

Of all of the Marauders Sirius was probably the best off, his sleeping habits were…well…lacking in sleep. He seemed to have learned the secret to functioning on two hours of sleep a night.

Suddenly as if he could feel Remus eyes on him, Sirius' grey orbs snapped open and he stared straight at Remus, a smirk crossing his face.

After a moment he scribbled something on a piece of parchment and tossed it to Remus.

Carefully uncrumpling the note Remus read Sirius' perfect calligraphy like handwriting.

_Let's get out of here, tell Binns you're sick._

Remus smiled shyly and shot Sirius a questioning glance at James and Peter. Normally it was James and Sirius who ran off alone with Remus and Peter sometimes accompanying them. Sirius didn't often spend much time with Remus alone. Another ball of paper sailed through the air to him.

_Not our fault they're asleep, they're missing out. We can brag about it later._

Figuring that Sirius had a point Remus shrugged, giving in to a loud and somewhat fake coughing fit. Once he finished he raised his hand.

"Professor, I'm not feeling well. May I go to the hospital wing?"

"If you feel you can no longer give your full attention to the class. Of course Mr. Lakely." Binns mumbled waving a transparent hand at Remus before returning to his lecture. Sirius winked at Remus and stood up as well, grabbing his book bag.

"Sir, Remus isn't looking too good, I'm going to escort him to the hospital wing if that alright." Binns didn't pause in his sentence and Remus doubted that he had even heard Sirius, though in his defense neither did half the class who were still asleep, James and Peter included.

Remus and Sirius carefully slipped out the door, wide smiles adorning their faces.

"Where to now?"

Sirius only laughed.

"Where else mate? The forest."

Sirius led the way, carefully sneaking past the staff room and out the front doors dragging Remus along behind him. They made quick progress, only having to hide once when Professor Grubbly-Plank showed up leading a group of Second Years to a new paddock.

When they finally got to the forest Remus followed Sirius closely, the other Marauders knew the forest better than he did. Sure he walked through it hundreds of times before, and he spent every full moon exploring it, but he was never fully there during the full moons seeing as he was a bloody werewolf instead of a human being. And Sirius and James had much more experience, seeing as they spent most of their free time wandering the forest and the castle looking for trouble.

A loud growl filled the trees and Remus jumped clutching the back of Sirius robes in the heat of the moment.

His friend only laughed and shook his head.

"Honestly Remus, its fine. Nothing can hurt you in here, and certainly not while you're with me."

Feeling slightly more reassured, though he didn't know why (because while he trusted Sirius) he wasn't sure how much use a fifteen year old boy was in a forest filled with blood thirsty creatures.

Pushing the thought to the back of his mind Remus continued following his friend through the barely there path that they were following. Getting lost in the moment Remus almost felt guilty that he was here, disturbing the peace and quiet of the forest.

When Sirius walked he moved like the wind, his footsteps quiet, never leaving footprints, it was almost as if his feet didn't even touch the ground (there was more than one reason they gave him the nickname Padfoot).

Sirius always seemed to know exactly where to step, exactly what to do. It was like he was a part of the forest, moving with it, flowing with it as it evolved around them.

Remus on the other hand, stepped on every root, every crunchy leaf, the sound of snapping twigs followed him constantly. He tripped on rocks and brushed against every tree. He had no clue where they were, Sirius on the other hand seemed to know exactly where they were and where they were going.

"How often do you come out here?"

"What do you mean Moony?" Sirius asked, his back still facing towards Remus. "I come here with you, and James and stuff."

"But you come here on your own too, without James." A soft sigh escaped his friend's lips, so soft Remus barely heard it over the sound of his own (rather loud) footsteps.

"Yeah, so?"

"How often?"

Sirius shrugged, "whenever I want to get away."

He paused for a moment and turned back to Remus a wicked smile playing on his lips.

"Look at this mate."

Grabbing Remus' hand Sirius dragged him forward a bit, carefully pulling the branches out of the way. Before them was a small pond with glittering blue water so pure it looked like glass, little wildflowers dotting mossy green ground and sunlight flitted down from above, lighting the whole clearing in a pure, golden light, as if Merlin had somehow blessed the place.

Sirius smiled contentedly.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Remus only nodded, he didn't trust himself to speak. It was perfect, a perfect place. And it was beautiful, it was more than beautiful, there weren't words to describe this place. He looked to Sirius, only to see his friend lost in thought. His grey eyes were bright, shimmering with some emotion that Remus couldn't place, the sun glinted off his pale skin in such a way that it made Sirius even more beautiful than normal. He looked just as beautiful as the clearing. As if they were made for each other.

"What did you mean when you said you come here to get away? Away from what?"

Sirius started, silver eyes flickering over to Remus. And just like that the moment was broken.

"Just to get away Remus…from everything, anything…"

They stood in silence for a moment, just taking in the scene, before Remus spoke again.

"Do you bring James here?"

It was an odd question to ask, because when were Sirius and James ever not together? A slight smile flashed across Sirius' face.

"No, I've never brought James here, he just shows up on his own. Little bastard. It's like he had a bloody tracking device on me."

Nodding Remus waited for a moment, knowing that Sirius would go on if just given the time.

"Not that I mind though…I love James, I really do…He's…he's…" Sirius trailed off, unable to describe what his relationship with James was, or what James meant to him. Because no one could really describe what the two purebloods relationship was, and everyone knew that James meant to world to Sirius.

"James is…there's just some stuff he doesn't understand. It's not like he doesn't try, because he does, he really does make an effort. He just doesn't understand some stuff. He can't understand some stuff."

The meaning behind his words was clear, that Sirius didn't want James to understand some things, as much as he wanted James to know everything about him.

Sirius cocked his head at Remus, looking very much like a dog for a moment before going on.

"You know, the bad stuff about people? James just doesn't understand how people can be evil, he doesn't understand how people can hurt others and kill and hate." Silvery orbs peered down at Remus through Sirius' black fringe and the werewolf felt his breath catch.

"You know what I mean right Remus? You've had to deal with all those people who hate you just because of what you are, with no reasoning behind it. Right?"

Remus nodded, even though he wasn't really sure he knew what Sirius was talking about, his mind had gone fuzzy staring into those swirling orbs. He nodded because Sirius wanted him to nod, Sirius wanted him to understand.

"I know what you mean Sirius."

Sirius tore his eyes away from Remus, satisfied with his answer and now ready to go on.

"James doesn't understand, but he's going too soon."

His voice cracked with emotion at the end and confusion colored Remus' mind.

"Why?"

"The war, the killing. No one thinks about what this will do to people, to children, to James. We're just pawns in their game. James' innocence means nothing to these people."

Remus didn't know what to say then, because Sirius was obviously worried about this, but there wasn't really anything to say anymore. He couldn't fix this, no one could really fix this.

Instead he moved in front of Sirius, staring up into his friend's face, because Sirius was infuriatingly taller than him, he always had been.

"No one can stay innocent forever Sirius."

The taller boy shook his head roughly, long black hair flying around his face and countered Remus statement.

"There are varying degrees of innocence..."

And he looked so lost, so defeated, and so not like Sirius Black that Remus could feel his own innocence slipping away at the sight of his friend who had obviously lost his so long ago.

Maybe it was because Sirius had brought him here, that Sirius had willing brought him to this place where he felt so alive, so safe. Maybe it was because of this place, this perfect, untouched, sacred place. Maybe it was because Sirius looked so damn beautiful (and so not how a boy should look, but how Sirius had always looked) with his raven black hair, alabaster white skin and wide swirling silver eyes. Maybe it was because of the golden rays of sunlight hitting him perfectly, making him look like some pre raphaelite god, like a fucking angel, making him look _innocent_.

Innocent and damned.

Maybe it was because he was just Sirius, and that was all he ever would be to Remus.

He was just Sirius. He was loud and rambunctious, a prankster and a rebel without a cause (or maybe he did have a cause Remus just couldn't see it). And he was loyal and loving, and dangerous and just so _slytherin_ sometimes, but he was always Sirius.

And Sirius had never been innocent, not like James, not like Peter.

Sirius was damned.

It was then that it clicked, that he did understand what Sirius was saying. He did understand why Sirius was so worried, why he was so afraid for James.

Remus leaned forward closing the gap between them and pressed a chaste kiss onto Sirius blood red lips. When he finally pulled away Sirius shivered and shook and Remus wrapped his arms around the taller boy and held him tightly until the shaking stopped.

"I don't want James to end up like you and me Remus…"

Remus was too busy trying to comprehend what he had just done, and what they had just done, and trying to understand this new and different side of Sirius Black that he had never seen before (a side that he was afraid to see)…that he forgot to be offended that Sirius thought he was damned too.

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Please review! I want to know what you think! Did you like it? Love it? Hate it?

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